Christmas scar
by Ahai
Summary: China did not like chistmas. He claims its because he isn t religious and all that but there is something more behind it...
1. Chapter 1

Dark. Who would ever have thought anything could be dark during this time? No one could even see the night`s darkness despite the season, everybody`s hearts were filled with inner light. Well, all but one for what was known however. His country was not the most active when it came to Christmas, this whole event was christian after all, but his people sure seemed to enjoy all they could get out of it. It was odd how all the people enjoyed it but the country himself had a miserable time. He claimed to not be religious, but that was no good reason to be in such a sullen mood. Here he was, locked inside his home sitting in a corner as if he was waiting for a deadly disease to end.

In reality it rather seemed like the deadly disease was inside his home than outside the current Christmas-moody world. There were no decorations, no Christmas tree, no fun calendars to count down the main event, no presents to prepare nor any received. Neither the lights were turned on, the only source of light and warmth came from a single candlelight on a small table. And how his mood was going further down than how low it already was. He had to meet up with the other countries for the years last meeting. He was already in this bad mood and how he was getting angrier by the thought of the others getting all "mushy" on each other by wishing them a happy holiday and exchange presents and plan a gathering to celebrate together and maybe even he was going to get invited. If he was going to be he wouldn`t be sure to accept as a common courtesy or rudely refuse. Refusing would put him in a bad light, the other countries would think badly of him therof his country would maybe be the least popular in the world since it would imply all of his people would be mean and rude. Accepting would be no good for him, seeing everybody having a good time and socialize while he was standing by himself watching as he was having a bad time.

Worst of all one particular country was going to be there. He loved this country dearly but during this time of year he hated him. Or did he? He wasn`t sure if that was even possible. Hating someone you loved one time of the year... Either he would give this country a smile or give this country a scowl. Or maybe both or nothing...Nothing. The situation was never talked about by those two, he was afraid he was either going to break down out of sadness or anger. A rage severe enough to really give it all. He was not the type for revenge but those feelings could not be expressed by words, it was all a mess and especially by this time of year. How could the one who used to be such a sweet darling ever do that to him?

"

Unwillingly he got up to make himself ready for the said meeting. Although he actually didn`t sleep this night, he didn`t feel tired at all but he looked that way. He couldn`t, neither did he want to sleep. He could not bear the images he saw whenever he closed his eyes...

With his suit on and the candlelight blown out he went towards the door, ready and not, to go to the meeting.

"Just get this over with..." he whispered to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wow China! Are you trying out a new style?" America exclaimed.

When China showed up for the meeting he did not have his hair tied up in his usual low ponytail, instead he had his hair out loose almost covering his face.

China did not respond to America`s question, he remained silent and had his eyes to the floor.

"It`s just that...You look like some of those scary freaks you see in horror movies!"

"Really? I think he looks more like some bum from the garbage!" England said.

Despie wearing a suit, China wasn`t looking so neat. The dress shirt was not tucked in, it had some visiable yet not visiable stains and some of the buttons were buttoned wrong!

"Don`t say such, England!" France said.

"What? Do you think he looks good, frog face?"

Before the discussion could get any further and become an arguement, Germany butted in.

"Lets get started with the meeting, shall we?" He said with his intimidating voice.

England and France, and all the other countries for that matter, got quiet. Both nodded and in silence went towards their seats. China, being unaffected by everything that was going on, slumped in his seat.

The whole meeting about problems countries were facing was fuel to the fire for China, but he still remained silent and did not take part in discussions on how to solve or make things better.

 _"Nothing will get better..."_

"

The meeting came to an end, all the countries got up. They all gathered together in a circle. They all noticed China`s odd behaviour and without even have said anything they agreed to discuss about it. No one worried China was going to feel left out or think he would suspect them talking about him, he remained sitting hunched in his seat. China probably wasn`t even aware the meeting was over...

"Do you all notice how China is all...um...out of it?" America asked.

"Yeah, he didn`t even participate in the main argument. He always does that..." France said.

"Should we ask him what it is with him?" Italy said.

"It wouldn`t do any good, people lie all the time and claim they are fine. They also refuse to talk about it" Russia said.

It got quiet and everybody started thinking about another solution. America lit up in exitement.

"I know! Invite China to a bar for a drink and when he is drunk, he`ll tell everything. It works on England, so it should work on him too!

"Don`t drag me into this, wanker!" England exclaimed.

"It sounds simple but it might work... What do you all say?" Germany said.

Not everybody agreed to this but in order to show how to be a good example of being great nations they did it democratic so the majority of yes won. America got over to China and asked him to meet him at the local bar later. This was the first time today someone got real contact with him.

"What do you say? Meet you there in 2 hours, ok?

It took a little while before China answered.

"Mhm..." China responded.

"

China and America weren`t the only ones who went to the local bar. All the countries went home to change and then they all gathered up together some time later. China was told only he and America would go to the bar, so all the countries settled themselves in an area where they wouldn`t make themselves visiable to the ones who sat by the bar, the ones being America and China.

They decidided the reason to go to the bar would be throwing a party before christmas, a pre-christmas party. They also eased themselves up rather quickly, some drinking to their hearts content.

"Come on, Japan! Why don`t you loose up a bit?" France was pestering Japan and practically tried to force a drink down his throat.

"No, no, no. This is not something for me..." Japan shyly said, clearly uncomfortable with France`s actions.

France was about to continiue what he was doing but then a loud sound of glass breaking made everybody jump and stop what they were doing. In matter of seconds China went towards them with heavy steps. Although he was in other and more casual clothing, he still didn`t look any better.

"Oh, listen to him! Here is Japan acting all shy and polite, how dare you even put on such an act, huh?!"

China was drunk and utterly furious. He didn`t notice all the other countries, or rather he didn`t want to notice them, Japan was all he could see now. America came and carefully went towards China.

"China... please calm down dude..." America wasn`t sure what to say.

"Shut up, aru! If no one is going to contront this rapist, than I will do it myself!"

Everybody`s eyes went wide. Of everyone in the world why call Japan such?

"How much did you let him drink, you idiot? China has gone completely mad!" England said.

"I have lost count a long time ago..."

Germany and Russia had to restrain China in order for him not to attack Japan. The bartender came towards them with a glass of water in his hand.

"Here, he might need this" The bartender said.

America snatched the glass from him and then threw the water on China`s face. China went completely still and remainded so even after Germany and Russia let go of him. America handed the glass back to the bartender who was face palming. The bartender took the glass and went off.

"That was not what the water was meant for, America..." Italy said.

"Whatever it was meant for, just look, China is all calm again. I really am the hero!"

China wasn`t moving, water was dripping out of him and he stood still like a statue. All the others didn`t do anything, they were waiting for something to happen. After a while China came to himeself and he twisted water out of his loose hair. After a death glare towards Japan, he went off without a word.


	3. Chapter 3

The countries were still baffled for what happened last night. This was not like China at all. They haven`t seen him so aggresive since... No, no one has ever seen him this aggresive. Once again they were all gathered up, this time it was a gathering to enjoy each others company and wish each other a Merry Christmas. But they were not in the mood, this whole situation about China occupied their minds. China was not with them and neither was Russia, he had went to China to see if he could get some information out of him about last nights event.

No one was speaking, everybody was sitting still in their seats. The tick tocks from a clock was the only source of sound, it almost seemed like the clock was the worlds leader and could not be disturbed by any other sounds, not even by the sounds of breathing. Of course, there was one in perticular who broke the norms:

"When will Russia come back? I really want to know some things!"

Italy was the first to speak, with his usual loud voice, after this long time in silence. Some countries jumped out of surprise.

"I don`t know, Italy. All we can do is wait till Russia comes back with information" Germany said.

"Yeah, I just want this to be overwith so I can stop thinking about all this. I want to celebrate Christmas, dude!" America exclaimed.

"If he has been gone for such a long time, China must be telling him a lot" France said.

The door opened wide.

"And he did! Poor little China is so miserable, da"

Russia came in and brushed off newly fallen snow from his coat. His hands, the fingers especially, had a reddish purple colour but Russia still had his usual smile plastered on his face as he came towards the others and sat down on a vacant seat. Normally no one wanted to be near Russia, but now they all came closer to him like they were children excitily wanting to hear a bedtime story. Russia seemed to like this attention as his smile seemed to become genuine. After a 3 hours visit at China`s, Russia was telling them all about it:

"

 _There was no expectation China would open his door. Russia had been knocking on the said door for 20 minutes, it seemed like no one was at home. But Russia knew, he knew China wasn`t in any other place. The miserable ones held themselves locked up where they felt safe. Russia was getting impatient and his digits would maybe come off if he stayed out in the cold any longer. The winter in China was nothing compared to the usual temperature at his home, but Russia did have a limit of how long he could stand still in cold temperature as snow was falling on him._

 _"I don`t want to be alone in a hospital all Christmas long but neither will go till you have said anything, China" Russia said to himself._

 _"Gah! What are you doing here, Russia?! Am I dreaming, is this a nightmare? I am sick of having them!"_

 _Russia entered China`s bedroom as a trail of snow coming off of him._

 _"This is no dream. I am very real, China" Russia said as he shook snow off his hands._

 _"What are you doing in my home?! The door was locked!"_

 _"It WAS but if you don`t answer when someone is knocking, then I have to take the matter in my own ice cold hands"_

 _China was in his bed with the duvet almost all over him. It seemed like he didn`t bother to get up today. Russia approched him and sat down on the edge of the bed._

 _"What do you want?" China didn`t seem to care for too long about Russia breaking in to his home or not be left alone when he desired to be._

 _"Last night ended quite intense. I had fun but you didn`t"_

 _"Oh, please... I don`t remember what I did, neither do I want to remember."_

 _"But there is something you seem to remember if it gets you into mood"_

 _There was a time China was with Russia in a bar and he cried as he was reminiscing about the time during Japan`s childhood and how it had affected him and China. China was heartbroken for losing his precious little brother and how this little brother went against him. It has been many years ago since the wars between China and Japan started and after a long time it did end but China struggled to let that go. There were scars that could never be healed, the scar on his back he received from Japan couldn`t, neither could the memories that wounded his heart._

 _"Indeed and I won`t forget it even when I die eventually"_

 _China started to sob. He was having a hangover or maybe it hasn`t even come yet, Russia knew China was going to tell him what was bothering him. Alcohol was poisonous after a certain amout but also a real truth serum._

 _"This is something that I will never get over. Japanese soldiers marching into my capital and do all those barbaric things! My people didn`t do anything wrong, they weren`t and should not have been involved that way. The Japanese murdering my people in cold blood, it seemed like it was all just a game for them. Shooting, stabbing, beheading... Women being raped when they were seen, including the ones to old to walk and the little ones who just learned to walk!"_

 _China clenched his chest._

 _"I could feel their pain, I felt it happening to them. And guess what? It happened to me too, in very person! The soldiers thought I was a woman but figured out the truth ones they tore up my clothing. Since I was a country, they couldn`t kill me. Instead they would torture me by forcing me to do the same awful things they were doing to the women. Instead of threaten to take my life, they would threaten to kill more of my people in front of my eyes"_

 _For one moment Russia thought China fainted, but it seemed like China wouldn`t even allow himself to faint as he would be unconcious and see those things he was telling Russia._

 _"I wonder why I compelled to what the soldiers told me to do, I knew my people would get killed anyway."_

 _China violently shook his head, tears flying off like heavy rain._

 _"Why couldn`t I do anything? Why did it all happen in the first place, happen to be like this?!"_

 _"_

All the countries were just as silent as they were earlier when Russia was at China`s.

"So this is why China has been so upset... What was it he was telling you about!" Germany said.

Japan was breathing heavily before he spoke up.

"This was the Nanking massacre. It happened in 1937. The mass murder and mass rape started December 13th..."

Japan wasn`t looking at anyone as he was saying this.

"All countries have been through awful things, why is he suddenly broken by something that happened many years ago?" England said.

"There are anniversaries of events like this that makes us feel sadder than usual.." France said with a monotone voice.

"And during Christmas, that so awful!" Italy exclaimed.

"It is really not any good, but what can we do about it?" America said.

Italy got up with an even mix of determination and exitement.

"We are going to give China the best Christmas ever!"

All eyes went on Italy, many of those eyes expressing bewilderment. Italy pumped his fists.

"We are going to have a wonderful time and so is China. Listen up, I have some ideas"


	4. Chapter 4

His head was hurting. Oh my, China has really done it now. Why on earth did he say so much to Russia? It didn`t help talking to him from the time he drowned his sorrows about Japan becoming a nation and it didn`t help now either. Or... maybe talking about it actually helped somehow. His heart felt a bit...lighter? But his blubbering was most probably a temporary aid. Like the alcohol that was now making his head pound, the good feeling in his heart would disappear along with the hangover. China put a hand to his forehead and covered himself up comletely with a blanket.

"Aiya... As soon as this fucking holiday has gone by, I promise to never make fun of England whenever he is drunk..." With that he passed out before he had the chance to lay down.

China heard knocking. He knew his head was killing him, but was it possible to hear knocking if it was painful enough?

 _Knock, knock._ There it was again as well as other sounds.

 _"China?"_

Oh no... Did he start hearing voices in his head too?! Something was shaking him, seemed like someone physically shaking him.

The shaking did not stop, China decided to take the blanket off in order to face whatever imagination that was bothering him.

"It was about time for you to wake up!"

China was dumbfounded, in front of him there he stood again.

"Russia?! Why can`t you just leave me alone?!"

"The door wasn`t locked this time..." Russia said innocently.

China covered himself up with the blanket again.

"Of course not, you broke the lock, remember?! Just answer me. What do you want? I have nothing more to tell you!"

"Come with me" Russia said and outstretched his hand even though he knew China wouldn`t be able to see it.

China curled himself to a ball. He was mumbling for Russia to go away, but Russia remained standing where he was. After a while he picked up the ball that was the Chinese nation and tossed it on his shoulder.

"What are you doing? Put me down, Russia!"

China`s exclaims were muffled, Russia made sure to hold China tight and be sure the blanket China was underneath was bounding him very well so he would not get the chance to physically resist...and also to suffocate him a bit.

"He can breathe when we arrive..." Russia mumbled to himself and did not respond to China`s cries.

"

China was practically smashed to the floor when Russia finally stopped walking. His walk had been pretty slow, why did he walk so slowly? He knew he wasn`t heavy and that Russia was pretty strong, as the matter of fact, he was nothing compared to the many things Russia used to carry! Was he maybe using the time for his own behalf? That sick bastard...

"That hurt, you know! Were you trying to kill me and then carry me to a grave?!"

It was silent and he felt... warm. China still had the blanket on him, he could not see were he was now. He knew Russia did carry him outside, he felt the bitter winter wind blowing through the blanket. He did not know for how long he was carried, he fainted after a while due the lack of oxygen. He expected to still be outside, but he wasn`t. The ground was hard and well heated. Was this a wooden floor inside a building? China struggled to get the blanket off him but he found a way eventually.

"Merry Christmas!"

China was astonished and somehow shocked as well. In front of him stood the rest of the Allies and the Axis without Japan. China threw the blanket away and got up furiously.

"What is this?! Where am I? Where have you taken me Russia and what are you all doing here?!" China wailed.

"It must be remaining alcohol..." England said quietly.

He went off for a second and came back with a glass of water. He handed the glass to China, there was no way he would let America "be the hero" again. As England stepped back, Italy stepped forward.

"I asked Russia to bring you here, he told us what you told him. I am so sorry it happened to you, China... And during Christmas time! " Italy said.

China wasn`t sure what to think. Sure it wasn`t good to find out he wasn`t speaking to a friend when he deep down knew he needed one, but it was somehow also unexpected to find out Russia didn`t tell the others so they could make fun of him. China didn`t say anything, he was downing his drink. Italy reached out and took the empty glass from him.

"You shouldn`t drink so fast, you know... Stay where you are, I have something for you!"

And with that Italy went off with glee. Like England, Italy quickly came back. With him he had a big package in his hands. He handed it to China.

"I have brought you a present, hope you like it. Merry Christmas!"

China took the package and then just stood still.

"What are you waiting for? Open it up, dude!" America said enthusiastically.

America`s loud voice made China snap out of whatever trance made him stand still. He carefully untied the ribbon and ripped the paper off. Once he found out what was inside, China was brought back to a new trance. In his arms he was now holding a big Hello Kitty plush doll! The plush doll wore a red overall dress with a matching bow by its ear. It was big, bigger than a standard pillow and softer than one too. Most importantly: It did not have a mouth. As China was looking at it he made faces, his brows furrowing and his lips protruding.

"Italy, why on earth did you give a 4000 year old male nation such a girly toy?!" Germany angrily whispered to Italy.

"Yeah, look at his face. He hates it!" England added.

China looked up at Italy with teary eyes and a smile on his mouth. Before Italy could do anything else, he was tackled down by China and received a rib crushing hug.

"This is the cutest thing I have ever received, thank you so much, aru!"

Aru? Was China becoming more himself again now?

"You`re welcome, China. May you have the merriest Christmas ever!"

Italy hugged him back. Everybody knew how Italy liked to hug others, he must have felt as happy as China to get one. China loosened up the hug and looked around.

"So, where is Japan?" China asked.

America took his hand and towed him towards the TV.

"Come, this is something you must see!" America said.

China was dumped on the sofa, the others sat down next to him and stood around him. England turned on the worlds news and that channel now showed Japan sitting alone by a panel. Japan leaned towards the microphone.

"In 1937 the Nanking massacre began. The massacre was done by me, my people. Japanse soldiers commited such awful and barbaric crimes... People know about this, there are still survivors out here and I have been denying this ever happened, denying my people did this... It can never be forgiven, I know, but I am so sorry for everything. Sorry to have done this and sorry for denying. China, I am very sorry"

Then it was cut back to the reporters and before another case was brought up, someone turned off the TV.

It was quiet for a little while till China started sobbing.

"You better damn be, Japan!" China cried out and put his hands to his face.

Italy put his arms around China. At first nothing happened but eventually China sank into Italy and cried even harder. All the other countries looked at the two bewildered.

"Japan apologized to the whole world... Why is China crying?" America asked.

France put a hand on America`s shoulder.

"This is the final blow, mon ami. When there is no sad tears, there are only tears of happiness left" France said.

Italy put his hands on China`s shoulders and lifted him up.

"Do you feel relieved, China?" Italy asked China gently.

China nodded slowly. Now he was the one who put his hands on Italy`s shoulders in order to get himself up from the sofa. China was no longer sobbing, it was cut down to sniffles and he dried tears from his eyes.

"It was a war, but I should never have let this happen"

China turned around. It was Japan! Japan stood by the doorway afar from the others. China still had a sad face but that did not stop him from approaching Japan. As China was facing Japan, the two stood still looking at each other. Japan was carefully tilting his head left and right, probably waiting something would happen. China slowly raised his arms and got closer to Japan. Once he was close enough, he wrapped his arms carefully around Japan as if he was about to touch something fragile. Unlike China, Japan was not careful when he returned the gesture.

"I will never forget this have happened. But you are my little brother, Japan, no matter what you say or think. I hate what you have done towards me, but now I realize I have never hated you, I can only love you." China whispered in Japan`s ear.

Japan did not say anything, he only hugged China harder.

"And thank you" China said before he let go of Japan.

There were still no words coming out of Japan, one could only let his eyes speak. Teary eyes showing regret and mutual love towards his brother.

"Can we get this party started now?" America said.

China smiled.

"Indeed we can, aru. I really want to celebrate with all of you!"

And so they did. They gave each other presents, ate different types of Christmas food from each country, even Finland came by and wished them all a Merry Christmas. China still may not be religious, but his views about Christmas was now completely changed and he now celebrated Christmas every year either with his people or Japan and the rest of his Asia family.

 **The end.**

 **My God, what a timing to finish a Christmas story... I wrote this as I got into the Nanking masscre and saw videos of survivors talking (pretty sad) as well as videos about the Nanking massacre. As of the year 2017, it will be the 80 year anniversary. Would have been more fitting to write it Christmas 2017, but I just could not wait a whole year to write it!**


End file.
